Polyvagal Theory and Our Nervous System: A Path to Healing Through Understanding
Our nervous system plays a central role in how we experience and respond to stress, trauma, and everyday challenges. When it becomes dysregulated, we can feel stuck in patterns of anxiety, anger, or overwhelm. Through Polyvagal Theory, we can learn about how our nervous system functions to better understand and regulate our emotional states.
Imagine yourself taking an afternoon stroll when you suddenly come face-to-face with a bear. You feel your adrenaline kicking in and you quickly assess how to respond to keep yourself safe. You first consider fighting back or running away (“fight-or-flight”) before deciding to lay down and play dead (“freeze”). Once the bear has returned to the woods, do you get up and calmly continue your stroll? No! You run back to the car as quickly as you can. Throughout your drive home you slowly start to notice your adrenaline subside and your body returns to a state of calm, but the next time you visit that path, you’re likely to find yourself more alert than before. Now imagine that happens again and again and again. You may find yourself extremely on edge and anxious even anticipating the walk, or you may avoid going on walks altogether. This is what it’s like for our system to experience chronic stress and trauma.
What is Polyvagal Theory?
Polyvagal Theory, developed by neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how our nervous system influences our emotional experiences and behaviors. This theory focuses on the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is responsible for our autonomic functions like heart rate, breathing, and digestion, as well as how we respond to stress and danger. Our nervous system is constantly seeking a state of safety and connectedness, and our emotional and physiological states are deeply interconnected with our sense of safety.
The theory identifies three primary states of the nervous system:
The Social Engagement System (Ventral Vagal State): This is the state of safety and connection. When we are in this state, our body is calm, and we feel relaxed, present, and able to connect with others. We engage in healthy communication, and our emotional responses are balanced.
Fight or Flight (Sympathetic Nervous System): When we sense danger or threat, our body enters a state of heightened alertness. In this state, we may experience anxiety, rapid heart rate, or feelings of anger or fear. This response helps us survive, but when overactive, it can lead to chronic stress and difficulty calming down.
Freeze or Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal State): When the body perceives a threat as overwhelming, it may enter a state of collapse or shutdown. This is often linked to feelings of numbness, dissociation, or immobilization.
How Polyvagal Theory Can Help in Therapy
Utilizing Polyvagal Theory in therapy can help clients recognize where they are in their nervous system and how to shift toward more balanced states of being. Here’s some examples of what Polyvagal Theory may look like in therapy:
1. Building Safety and Connection
The relationship between the therapist and client is shown to be the biggest factor in determining client outcomes, meaning it is crucial to create a space where clients feel safe, heard, and understood. Polyvagal Theory emphasizes the importance of tapping into the ventral vagal state to increase social engagement and connection. Therapists trained in Polyvagal Theory will often work to establish a strong therapeutic alliance, offering a grounding presence for coregulation, attunement to the client’s emotional experiences, and unconditional positive regard. When a client feels safe, they are better equipped to engage in the therapeutic process.
2. Recognizing and Tracking States
Through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, clients can begin to identify their experiences within each state of their nervous system. Therapists may help clients track their emotions, noticing when they feel grounded, activated, or shut down. By learning to identify these states in real-time, clients can begin to develop tailored tools for self-regulation.
3. Regulating the Nervous System
Therapists can help clients develop strategies for shifting from dysregulated states back into a balanced, ventral vagal state. Techniques often used include:
Grounding exercises: Mindful movement and sensory awareness can help clients reconnect with the present moment and their bodies.
Somatic experiencing: Focusing on bodily sensations and using movement and stretching helps to release stored tension in the body.
Breathing exercises: Slow, deep breathing signals to your brain that you're safe.
Guided imagery: Clients may be guided to imagine a container to help hold heavy feelings and experiences, or imagine a safe, calming environment, which can activate the social engagement system and promote a sense of safety.
4. Healing Trauma and Chronic Stress
Trauma and chronic stress can keep us feeling stuck in a state of arousal or dissociation. Polyvagal Theory is particularly helpful in treating trauma because it helps clients understand how trauma can be stored in our bodies. Clients may explore how their trauma has influenced their nervous system and work to create a safety and stability before diving into deeper emotional work.
Moving Toward Healing and Regulation
By understanding the science behind Polyvagal Theory and learning how our nervous system works, we can take an active role in restoring balance within our system. The journey often begins with awareness—recognizing when we are dysregulated and learning ways to gently bring ourselves back into a grounded state. If you are feeling “stuck” in a state of overwhelm, anxiety, or disconnection, know that you are not alone. Your body is doing what it is designed to do… Keeping you safe! Through therapy, clients can begin to restore their sense of safety and heal the effects of chronic stress and trauma
Written by: Hailey Adams, M.Ed., LPC
Signs of High-Functioning Anxiety
I decided to write this blog post because well, it describes me perfectly. I recently came across the term “high-functioning anxiety” in an Instagram post and a lightbulb went off in my brain. “Hey! That’s me!”
To be honest, it wasn’t until the last few years that I was even able to admit to myself that I struggle with anxiety. It’s not because of the stigma because hey, who DOESN’T struggle with anxiety and/or depression these days?!? Plus, I work in the field of mental health, I should know what anxiety looks and feels like right? Probably, but for me, I missed the symptoms because my version of anxiety doesn’t look like most other versions of anxiety that I’m usually seeing in my office.
High-functioning anxiety is a term often used to describe individuals who experience symptoms of anxiety but are able to function well in their daily lives, sometimes masking the emotional distress beneath a façade of outward success. People with high-functioning anxiety may appear calm, composed, and successful, but they may be struggling internally with intense stress and worry.
Here are some common signs of high-functioning anxiety:
1. Overthinking & Perfectionism
Constantly analyzing every decision or action, fearing that making a mistake will have severe consequences.
Setting extremely high standards for oneself and being overly critical of mistakes or imperfections.
2. Constant Worrying
A constant feeling of unease or tension about the future, even when things are going well.
Often thinking about worst-case scenarios, even if there is no logical reason to expect them.
3. Difficulty Relaxing
Struggling to relax or unwind, even when there’s nothing to do.
Feeling on edge or restless, making it hard to "turn off" thoughts, especially before bed.
4. People-Pleasing
A strong desire to please others and avoid conflict, often at the expense of one’s own needs or well-being.
Feeling guilty for saying "no" or setting boundaries, even when it’s necessary for self-care.
5. Tendency to Hide Emotions
Masking feelings of anxiety or stress by keeping up appearances, often presenting a calm or composed exterior.
Not wanting to burden others with personal struggles and avoiding sharing vulnerabilities.
6. Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
Experiencing physical symptoms like muscle tension, headaches, stomach problems, or fatigue without obvious medical causes.
Difficulty sleeping due to racing thoughts or being constantly alert.
7. High Levels of Self-Criticism
A constant inner dialogue of self-doubt and harsh judgment, often thinking one isn’t doing enough or that they're not good enough.
Feeling like you need to constantly prove yourself to others, even when it's unnecessary.
8. Difficulty Saying "No"
Taking on more work or responsibilities than can be reasonably managed, out of fear of disappointing others.
Overcommitting to things even when overwhelmed or stressed.
9. Overachieving Behavior
Pushing oneself to achieve or perform at a high level in all areas of life (career, relationships, hobbies), often to compensate for internal anxiety.
Often feeling like you must be “the best” or always in control.
10. Avoidance of Negative Emotions
Trying to avoid or suppress negative feelings like sadness or frustration by staying busy or focusing on productivity.
Often dismissing or invalidating emotions because they’re perceived as a weakness.
11. Social Anxiety or Fears of Judgment
While still managing social interactions, there may be underlying anxiety about how others perceive you, leading to perfectionistic behavior or self-consciousness.
Fear of being judged or evaluated, even in routine situations like meeting friends or colleagues.
12. Chronic Stress & Burnout
Consistently feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks, responsibilities, and expectations, leading to mental and physical exhaustion.
Struggling to take breaks or prioritize self-care, often because there’s a sense of guilt or pressure to keep performing.
13. Difficulty Asking for Help
Preferring to handle everything independently, even when help is needed, due to a fear of appearing weak or incapable.
Reluctance to seek professional help, such as therapy or counseling, for fear of being judged or not being taken seriously.
14. Avoiding Change or Uncertainty
A strong desire for control and stability, leading to anxiety when faced with uncertain or unpredictable situations.
Reluctance to try new things or take risks due to fear of failure or not being perfect.
15. Imposter Syndrome
A persistent feeling of being inadequate or that one doesn’t deserve success, despite external achievements.
Feeling like a “fraud” or fearing that others will "find out" you don’t know what you're doing, even when there’s no real reason to feel this way.
While high-functioning anxiety can often go unnoticed because the person seems outwardly capable, it's important to recognize that these internal struggles can take a toll over time. If any of these signs resonate, it may be helpful to consider speaking with a mental health professional to explore coping strategies and manage anxiety in a healthier way.
For me, in my own work with my therapist, I’m learning to identify the parts of myself that constantly feel the need to “do” and “achieve” (also the why of how they got that way in the first place, HELLO childhood trauma!) and helping these parts to find more balance within my internal system. I’m learning (slowly but surely) to PLAY more, ask for help more, say NO more and navigate boundaries in a more healthy way.
Written by Britney Cirullo, MA, LPCC-S, BCN
The Neurobiology of Men’s Mental Health: Key Insights into Brain and Behavior
One of my biggest passions as a therapist is working to break the stigma surrounding men’s mental health. I hope we, as a society, can begin to have more open conversations and put more focus on this very important topic. Right now, there isn’t much education surrounding it which leaves a gap in care in my opinion. As a therapist, it is important to understand that men and women are wired differently and caring for their mental health should be treated as such. In order to better care for men, we need to understand why they are different.
Men’s mental health is shaped by a complex interplay of biological, hormonal, and neurological factors that influence how they experience and manage emotions, stress, and mental health challenges. By understanding these underlying mechanisms, we can gain valuable insights into why men may face unique mental health struggles, often different from those experienced by women.
One of the key differences lies in brain structure. The amygdala, which plays a central role in processing emotions such as fear and aggression, is typically larger in men. This difference can make men more prone to externalizing behaviors like impulsivity, risk-taking, and even aggression. This doesn’t mean men experience emotions more intensely, but it may explain why these emotions manifest in more outwardly expressive ways. On the other hand, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, emotional regulation, and impulse control, tends to be smaller in men. This could make it more difficult for men to manage their emotions and reactions to stress, leading to a greater likelihood of acting on impulse rather than processing feelings calmly. Another important factor is the more pronounced hemispheric specialization in men’s brains. With the left hemisphere being dominant for logical reasoning and the right for emotional expression, men may find it harder to articulate their emotions, often suppressing them instead.
Hormonal influences also play a significant role in shaping men’s mental health. Testosterone, the primary male hormone, directly impacts mood and behavior. While high testosterone levels are linked to competitiveness and aggression, low levels can lead to feelings of depression, irritability, and anxiety. This hormonal shift becomes particularly relevant as men age and testosterone levels decline, leading to a condition sometimes referred to as “andropause,” which is marked by mood swings, fatigue, and depressive symptoms. Stress hormones, particularly cortisol, also impact men differently. In response to acute stress, men tend to produce more cortisol, which helps them handle immediate threats. However, chronic stress can lead to elevated cortisol levels over time, contributing to long-term issues such as anxiety, depression, and burnout. Men’s tendency to endure chronic stress without addressing it can exacerbate these challenges.
Neurotransmitters, the brain’s chemical messengers, further influence men’s mental health. For instance, serotonin, which regulates mood, sleep, and appetite, plays a critical role in depression. While serotonin deficiencies can lead to depression in both men and women, men may express this deficiency differently—often through irritability, anger, and aggression, rather than the sadness more commonly associated with depression in women. This difference in expression can make it more difficult for men to recognize when they are experiencing depression, as their symptoms may not align with traditional views of the condition. Dopamine, another crucial neurotransmitter, drives motivation and pleasure. Men, who often exhibit higher levels of dopamine-driven behaviors, may be more prone to risk-taking and thrill-seeking. These tendencies can lead to addictive behaviors, such as substance abuse, as a way to cope with underlying mental health struggles. Additionally, GABA, a neurotransmitter that helps calm neural activity, plays a significant role in managing anxiety. Low levels of GABA in men can contribute to feelings of heightened anxiety, restlessness, and difficulty relaxing, although this anxiety may manifest outwardly as irritability or frustration rather than nervousness.
The way men process and respond to trauma also differs. After experiencing trauma, men may develop heightened activity in the amygdala, which can result in a constant state of hypervigilance. This chronic stress response can contribute to long-term mental health challenges such as anxiety disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For men, PTSD often manifests through anger, aggression, or emotional numbness, rather than the fear and avoidance behaviors more commonly seen in women. Trauma also impacts the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which regulates the body’s stress response. Chronic trauma can lead to long-term overactivation of this axis, causing persistent cortisol release. This not only increases the risk of developing anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders but can also contribute to physical health problems, such as cardiovascular disease.
Despite the clear neurobiological underpinnings of men’s mental health challenges, many men struggle to seek the help they need due to societal stigma and underdiagnosis. Men are often socialized to suppress their emotions, avoid vulnerability, and adopt a self-reliant attitude. This reluctance to express emotional distress or ask for help can prevent men from acknowledging mental health issues and lead to untreated conditions. Instead, men may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse or risky behaviors. One of the most concerning aspects of men’s mental health is the high suicide rate. Men are significantly more likely to die by suicide than women, even though women tend to make more suicide attempts. This disparity is partly due to the fact that men are more likely to use lethal methods, but it also reflects the many untreated or undiagnosed mental health conditions that men often endure in silence.
Improving men’s mental health requires a multifaceted approach that takes neurobiology into account. For men experiencing mood disturbances due to low testosterone levels, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) may offer a solution. Neurobiologically informed therapies, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness practices, and trauma-focused interventions, can help men manage stress, process emotions, and heal from past trauma. Trauma-specific therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be particularly effective in helping men reprocess traumatic memories and reduce their impact on brain function. However, breaking the stigma surrounding men’s mental health is perhaps the most important step. Creating an environment where men feel safe expressing their emotions and seeking help without fear of judgment is crucial for improving mental health outcomes. Normalizing conversations about mental health and challenging harmful stereotypes about masculinity can empower men to address their mental health concerns before they escalate.
In conclusion, the neurobiology of men’s mental health reveals unique challenges that stem from differences in brain structure, hormones, and neurotransmitters. By addressing both biological and social factors at play, we can develop more effective strategies for working with men on their mental health. Encouraging men to seek support and breaking down societal barriers around mental health is so important.
Written by: Grace Williamson, LPCC, BCN
Exploring the Subconscious Mind with Psychodynamic Therapy and EMDR
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate” -Carl Jung (maybe)
“I am not what has happened to me, I am who I choose to become”- Carl Jung (allegedly)
These two quotes attributed to Carl Jung represent the lens through which I view therapy. Now, there is no general consensus whether he ever said these exact words. Likely people have condensed some of his longer teachings into these quotes. Unfortunately, Carl isn’t around to tell us, but the message remains the same: Becoming the person you want to be takes action.
In the ever-evolving landscape of psychotherapy, practitioners are continuously exploring new approaches and techniques to help clients heal and empower themselves. Two such methodologies - psychodynamic therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) - offer distinct yet complementary tools for psychological healing. Their integration can offer a holistic approach to trauma recovery and personal growth.
At the heart of psychodynamic therapy lies the belief that much of our mental life operates outside of conscious awareness, driven by unconscious forces and dynamics. Through exploration of the unconscious mind, clients gain insight into the root causes of their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, paving the way for lasting change and personal growth. Psychodynamic therapy often involves exploring early life experiences, attachment patterns, and the dynamics of the therapeutic relationship to uncover and resolve unconscious conflicts.
EMDR therapy offers a more structured approach to trauma treatment, focusing on processing distressing memories and resolving lingering symptoms. Developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s, EMDR utilizes bilateral stimulation such as eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones to facilitate the reprocessing of memories. Through a series of guided protocols, clients are able to desensitize and reprocess past experiences, leading to symptom reduction and emotional healing.
Despite their differences, psychodynamic therapy and EMDR share a common goal: to help clients overcome psychological barriers and live more fulfilling lives. When integrated effectively, these two approaches can offer a powerful framework for trauma recovery and personal transformation.
Psychodynamic therapy and EMDR both emphasize the importance of the therapeutic relationship as a catalyst for healing by providing a safe and supportive environment in which to explore innermost thoughts and feelings. I believe this is the most important part of any therapy and what I focus on first.
Additionally, psychodynamic therapy and EMDR share a focus on the role of unconscious processes in shaping behavior and emotional experience. While standard EMDR primarily targets conscious memories of trauma, psychodynamic therapy delves deeper into the unconscious roots of psychological distress, exploring how early life experiences and relational patterns continue to influence clients' lives in the present. By integrating insights from psychodynamic theory into the EMDR process, therapists can help clients uncover and address underlying issues that may be contributing to their symptoms.
By blending these two modalities, I help my clients identify and explore the unconscious programming that has been running their lives, then rewrite it so they can begin living their most authentic life.
Written by: Grace Williamson, LPCC, BCN
Attachment in the Therapeutic Relationship
If the wound is relational, the healing must be relational.
Many approach therapy as a cognitive exercise. They may say, "I need to get my mind right" or "I've got to work on responding differently to my triggers." What many discover in a deep therapeutic process is that many of the issues actually stem from relational wounding. For example: Yes, you may struggle with anxiety and it may seem "random" and "out of nowhere". But when you get down to it you discover it's actually because it was never actually safe for you to express your fears as a kid and you always had to handle things on your own, before you were actually able to. Anxiety makes plenty of sense as a response in that context.
What many find in deep, transformational forms of therapy is that at the heart of their issues lies a difficulty with relationships, not just difficulty with a certain set of symptoms. What then, is the solution? For many years this is a dynamic that therapists have known experientially: that healing often lies in the repairing of relational experiences via the therapeutic relationship.
Some get uncomfortable when we start talking about the relationship between therapist and client. Perhaps it seems too vulnerable, or they may label it "weird" to feel deeply connected to their therapist. They may dismiss the relationship altogether because they pay for the therapist's services, "so the relationship isn't actually real". Others may not have found a therapist they feel truly safe with, which is a whole other issue to address.
Great therapy is a stage in which to play out your relational questions, hopes, fears, and struggles. It is a safe container in which to explore territory that may not have ever been safe before. It is model for how to relate both with self and with others. We humans learn best experientially, and this holds true in the therapy world too.
Do not be afraid to test your own relationship with your therapist, to see if they seem like a person whom you could truly, deeply trust. Perhaps that trust isn't fully there yet, but is there potential for it? Does this feel a bit different somehow from previous unhealthy relationships? Sometimes that newness can be scary, but it could point to good potential for your relational healing. And with that you might just address the real root of your struggles.
A good therapist should hold this weighty place in your life with honor, respect, reverence and healthy boundaries. A good therapist is not uncomfortable with the fact that there's something unique about the way you feel about us. A good therapist knows that is a sign that healing can flow in this environment of safety and trust.
If the wound is relational, the healing must be relational.
Written by Mary Beth Stevens, LPCC, BCN
Breaking the Silence: Men’s Mental Health Matters
Hey men, this one’s for you. Were you ever told growing up, or maybe even recently, to “man up” or “take it like a man”? Remember “Boys don’t cry”? Showing emotions, vulnerability? Never. That is a sign of weakness, right?
I’m guessing many of you answered yes to those questions. And if so, I’m sorry. We as a society have done you a disservice.
We live in a society where stoicism and strength are praised and vulnerability is seen as a weakness. We hear terms like “toxic masculinity” and “snowflakes” to describe either end of the spectrum. These societal norms and pressures put on men often make it challenging for them to seek help or even acknowledge their struggles. As a result, many men suffer in silence.
To help break this stigma, we have to start talking about it. In recent years, men have started to speak up more. Take NBA Player Kevin Love for example. His article in The Player’s Tribune was the first time I remember a professional athlete speaking up about his own mental health. The LA Dodgers are continuing to renew the contract of Andrew Toles so that he can have health insurance while he seeks help for Schizophrenia. We’re getting there, but it’s not enough.
I welcome all types of people into my office but my passion lies in helping men – the type of men that have been told to “toughen up”. The men that silently carry the burden of providing for a family in this economy. The “toxic masculinity” men. The men who, well, frankly, we wouldn’t expect to see walk into a therapist's office. If you are hesitant, resistant, and down right scared to try therapy, but still want to.. please call me. We can talk sports, work, kids, money, anything! I just want you in the door.
Try this on for size. What if strength looked like staring judgment in the face and telling it to… well… you know? What if it looked like facing your demons head on and defeating them? Strength can be found in between “toxic masculinity” and “snowflake”, the balance between tough and vulnerable. Strength comes in many forms; it doesn’t always look like what society has made it out to be. Maybe the strongest thing you can do is ask for help.
Grace Williamson, M.Ed, LPCC, BCN, CCTP
Therapy is Hard Work!
Therapy is hard work. Better therapy is hard work all week long.
People come to therapy with all kinds of different expectations. A common one that I see is pervasive throughout American culture--the expectation of instant gratification. We come to therapy expecting that if I just come to therapy once or twice, I will feel a certain way and then I'll start to feel better throughout the week. It'll be easy.
Significant change in the therapeutic process occurs when you take ownership for your growth. Therapists have a little secret. We don't work harder than our clients do. (This helps preserve our sanity as we have careers in the empathy business.) If you're looking to your therapist to ensure you are growing throughout the week, you will be disappointed. Real change occurs in your actual life--the rest of the hours throughout the week you are not in therapy.
Try establishing one takeaway from each session that you think on throughout the week and work to apply it. Make it practical. Write it down or put a reminder on your phone for a certain time each day, perhaps 5 minutes before bed, to apply it. This application might look like a 5 minute timer for meditation on your takeaway or it might look more like an action oriented habit, like writing 3 things you are grateful for, or stretching and breathing to reset your nervous system. If you're having trouble with the application part on your own, ask your therapist to help you focus on an intention coming from the session and you can find that application together.
I believe a lot of change in therapy creeps along slowly when it doesn't need to be. We forget most of the things that are actually said. We lose those intentions we realize in the session. The follow through is where the magic happens. The follow through is where your actual life is--and where change happens. Just one intention at a time. Focus on it. Dive into it. Lock it in. And then come to session next week.
Written by Mary Beth Stevens, LPCC, BCN
Psychedelic Assisted Therapy 101
As you may know, Psychedelic Assisted Therapy (PAT) is becoming the new wave of mental health and wellness. We’ve entered a new beginning, where research in this area is exploding across the country and people are eager to learn more and experience it for themselves.
We are excited to share this informative resource as a starting place for educating yourself and others on the topic.
If you are interested in PAT for yourself or a loved one, please visit our page on 1:1 PAT options with us here at Alternative Therapeutics or, consider attending an upcoming PAT retreat with our friends at The Wellness Den.
What is IFS? (Internal Family Systems)
More and more clients are coming to our practice in search of IFS, or Internal Family Systems Therapy. As word gets out about how powerful this modality of healing is, it often piques clients' curiosity.
Internal Family Systems Therapy was developed in the 1980s by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., a family therapist who listened to his eating disordered clients talk about different parts of themselves similarly to how family structures are organized as a system. IFS is also known as "parts work", and involves understanding an individual as a system with various parts of their personalities at work, which have their own fears, motivations and thought processes.
Now I know what you're thinking. But I don't have multiple personality disorder! This form of therapy is not saying that. It asserts that to be human is to be multifaceted. Have you ever said something like, "A part of me wants to go to that party tonight, but another part of me just wants to stay snuggled up in bed"? That's parts of your personality expressing themselves, in a sense. It's very normal to feel very different ways about the same thing. Parts work is an empowering system to help you understand the underlying origins, hangups, fears, and motivations of these parts of you. This is especially useful when we see particular parts causing a lot of issues for a client.
For example, a chronically depressed client often identifies themselves as a depressed person. They take on the identity of depression. But how empowering is it to realize that your depressed part of you is just that--one part of you? You also have parts of you that delight in things and have energy and motivation towards serving others. The idea behind IFS is that we want to allow our True Self to connect with the depressed part, to allow them to be resourced and come into balance with the rest of the person's parts. This way, depression does not take over the person's whole system.
Think about it like an orchestra--a system working together with a conductor. When a particular part, let's say the part who exhibits depression, is not in connection with the orchestra conductor, they are like a violin that's out of tune and has the wrong sheet music. It's disruptive. It's loud. It overtakes the melody and does not allow the piece to be played beautifully by the orchestra as a whole. But when in connection with True Self, the violin is able to "tune up", and get the right sheet music, so they can become a contributing member of the system.
IFS sees consciousness as comprised of a True Self, and three types of parts: managers, firefighters, and exiles. True Self is something we are all born with, and embodies Calm, Compassion, Creativity, Clarity, Courage, Curiosity, Connectedness, and Confidence. When our system is in balance, True Self connects with a person's parts like the conductor connects with the musicians in an orchestra. These parts help us survive and thrive, whether they are for the purpose of detecting threat, helping others, organizing, striving, etc. These parts often take on these extreme roles in order to protect our vulnerable wounded parts (exiles) that often form during childhood, when the Self in its natural state was shamed, criticized, or rejected. When they're triggered, our protective parts serving as managers (to control) or as firefighters (to distract) will step in, afraid that the person cannot handle the intensity of their wounded part's feelings. One important facet of IFS therapy is the assumption that all a person's parts are well intentioned to protect the person (as a system does not intend to destroy itself). So as we connect with these parts, we know the parts are trying to do a good job for us (even as destructive as they may be in practice).
What does healing look like in IFS? As a person's True Self connects with various parts, the goal is healing through relationship. This often looks like staging a back and forth dialogue between True Self and various parts. Since wounding is often relational, Self offers an avenue for healing to these parts that may have been operating in isolation and fear. As parts and Self connect relationally, the parts are freed from extreme roles, trust is developed by the parts to the Self, and they begin to work together as one for the health and healing of the person, with Self in leadership.
Many times I see clients amazed at how effective IFS Therapy feels in practice. Sometimes, it can feel a bit strange initially, "like I'm talking to myself? This seems weird…" as people naturally get a little self-conscious with this practice at first. Remember though that we are taught in society how to talk to others. We generally know how to apply basic communication skills. We just aren't taught to apply these skills internally, with ourselves! We can learn to do this over time, though, and it creates an internal world of respect and compassion rather than criticism and hatred. If you will give it a try, it can be one of the most empowering, insight-building and healing experiences that therapy can offer.
Written by Mary Beth Stevens, LPCC, BCN
Living in the Now
What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness has become a popular topic, but the use of it as a buzzword has led to confusion as to what exactly it means. Many people think of formal meditation when they hear the word mindfulness. Meditation is definitely one common and ancient mindfulness practice, but not the only option. Mindfulness in short is recognizing present moment and paying attention to it with an open curiosity. Intentionally practicing mindfulness gives our brain the ability to more naturally behave in a mindful way in our everyday lives.
What if I am no good at mindfulness?
Many people begin practicing mindfulness with the expectation that they will experience a mind free of thoughts and be able to fully engage in whatever they are using as a focus of their practice. Mindfulness is not about “clearing your mind.” Thoughts, feelings, and memories, will come up. The real growth in mindfulness practice comes from noticing that you have become hooked by a thought or feeling and gently bringing your attention back to whatever you were paying mindful attention to such as your breath. This noticing and returning is what leads to growth; it is the weight lifting that builds your mindfulness muscles. Try to remember that every distraction is an opportunity to build your ability to notice and return to mindful attention.
The Science of Mindfulness
Neuroscience has found evidence that practicing mindfulness can actually change the structure of the brain. Although more research is needed, there is evidence that eight specific areas of the brain differ when comparing the brains of longtime practitioners of mindfulness meditation and the brains of non-meditators. EEG readings of the brain have confirmed the change in the ability of the brain to better focus and pay attention after completing mindfulness training over eight weeks. There is also ongoing research evaluating the effectiveness of mindfulness as an intervention for improving symptoms of ADHD. Some research also indicates that mindfulness meditation could reduce reactivity of the amygdala, a deep part of the brain often called the emotional center of the brain.
Research indicates that mindfulness training can:
Decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression
Improve immune functioning
Ward off cognitive decline related to aging
Improve mental clarity and focus
Improve attention
Improve heart health
Increase the effectiveness of other mental health interventions
Increase self-confidence
Improve mood
Lead to better sleep
Increase creativity
Reduce pain sensitivity
Change the way the brain experiences pain
Reduce chronic pain
Adding Mindfulness Practice Into Your Life
Practicing mindfulness techniques for 10-15 minutes daily is a great way to start seeing the benefits of mindfulness practice. Remember that frequency of practice is generally more important than length. For example, five minutes every day will typically be more beneficial than 20 minutes once a week. Start with whatever length of time is most comfortable for you then, once you have formed a habit, try to gradually lengthen your sessions.
Informal Mindfulness
Many people find formal mindfulness meditation difficult or tedious and that is okay. You can incorporate mindfulness into your daily life during activities you already do. Often the best activities to use are the mundane tasks we often ignore.
To perform a task in a mindful way, simply pay attention to each step and sensation involved in the process. Notice with all of your senses the activity you are doing. Maintain focus. When your mind inevitably wanders, acknowledge the thought that drew you away and gently shift your focus back to the mindful task.
Some examples of tasks you can do as informal mindfulness practices:
Making coffee or tea
Washing dishes
Washing your hands
Folding laundry
Noticing nature
Stretching
Showering
Be creative! Try out different activities until you find one that works for you.
Here is a script you can follow to practice some mindfulness in your day-to-day life while eating:
Choose whatever item of food you will eat. Make it something simple such as an apple, chocolate bar, and so on.
Tell yourself that while you eat the food you will only eat the food.
Pick up the food and observe it visually. Take genuine interest in the visual appearance of the food, its shape, and color.
Feel the food in your hand and note its texture, whether it is hard or soft and so on.
Slowly take a bite. Move your mouth slowly as you eat, being mindfully aware of the movement of your mouth.
Investigate the flavors of the food. You might find it helpful to describe the flavors to yourself.
Swallow and note if the food left an aftertaste.
Continue until you have finished eating
For free audio recordings of guided meditations visit our resources tab!
Here are some guided meditation apps that I would recommend as well:
Headspace
Calm
Insight Timer
Written by: Olivia Clark, LPCC, BCN